


Gums, Lollipops and Cigars

by aupazonne



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack?, Daily Bugle, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Oral Fixation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:37:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2268270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aupazonne/pseuds/aupazonne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning : bad english.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Gums, Lollipops and Cigars

**Author's Note:**

> Warning : bad english.

Jonah looks at his paper, then back at Parker’s photos of that goddamn Spider-man.

\- Those are good, boy, now get out. Said Jameson.

\- What about my pay? Ask the young man.

\- There you go. Come back when you got more photos.

\- As always Mister Jameson. 

So kind, okay enough emotions, he has to concentrates on title of this spider menace. Spider-man is fighting Mysterio. And the “hero” has broken several building and cars in his fight! Horrible.  
He has his title and Jameson lit a cigar. He puffs it a bit and smokes looking by the window. 

\---------------

For a week, the director for the Daily Bugle doesn’t hear about the Spider-Man. It’s a relief, but he begins to lack of content for his journal. Of course he writes about Stark and his beers or some celebrity scandal or baby, but he has to keep the Spider-man’s image of a villain, a scum and a menace. 

Parker is not there and Jonah chews on a gum. He writes the most he can. A man enters.

\- Hello mister Jameson.

\- What do you want? Answer the older man.

After a discussion with Robertson :

\- What in blaze is wrong with you? Your pipe’s burning my carpet!

\- J-J-Jonah!

\- What?

\- Behind you!

\- Well speak up, man! Is it the window? What did you see out.. GYAAH!

Outside stand from all his mightiness the king of the monster, just in front of the Daily Bugle. (Godzilla#23, 1979) 

\- It’s Godzilla… Huge… Right in the middle of the town! This is the biggest story of all time! Why aren’t reporters out there?! And photographers! We’ve got to get pictures of this! Where’s that blasted Peter Parker? Never around when you need him! Get me a camera! I’ll take the pictures myself! And where are the police!? Why aren’t they doing something about this giant menace?! Watch it you overgrown lizard! You’re messing with J. Jonah Jameson here! 

Jameson didn’t even had the time to say uh-oh that the king of the monster blast hot air on them, flame being too much for this chattering insect.  
The level is mess. The employees flee of terror, but Miss Betty comes to get Jameson out of this level, who is under his desk, along with Robertson.

\- THAT GODDAMN LIZARD! Thank you Miss. CALL THE POLICE FOR GOD’S SAKE! 

\-------------------

Jameson chews three gums and a cigar he alters with a lollipop to calm himself down.

\- Mister, let me change your bandage and also Mister Parker is here. Said Betty.

\- PAAAAAAAAAAARKER!!

The older man takes another gum and let the young woman change his bandages.  
His office is destroyed, his journals and what he writes for this weeks is everywhere in the street, the level where Godzilla breathed has his walls darkened by the ink of the printers that exploded. His arms had a minor wound, but he’s in good shape overall. 

\- Mister Jameson.

\- PARKER FOR GOD’S SAKE! WHERE WERE YOU! There was Godzilla! The only one! 

\- Hey you’ve heard that Spider-man tried to stop him? Ask Peter.

\- Lies! I’m sure it’s the one that has taken him here in the first place. 

\- If you say so, but I got photos.

\- You kidding me!!

\- Nope, look at that beauty.

The photos were astonishing.

\- Oh Peter boy, sometimes you’re a grace from the sky. Said Jonah. 

\- My pleasure.

But it wasn’t over. A gang of burglars come to harass the staff of the Daily Bugle, stealing their money and other stuff. Jonah was in a flaming rage and break chairs on several of the theft’s heads. However, Jonah notices how Parker has super combat moves and make the thefts run away very fast.  
But the Daily Bugles director begins to swear again at the lost they made and the police who did nothing. He sees red and smoke goes out his ears. He eats his gum packs with the carton, but it doesn’t do the trick and a lollipop. He knows what he need. He looks around, the only he can trust is Parker.

\- Peter, come with me! Now! 

\- Ye..Yes sir! Answers the boy.

Jonah had a very deep and menacing voice, Peter didn’t’ want to object in fear of retaliation. He had rarely sees his boss in a rage like, except the time he got to save him. Jameson didn’t like to be saved by the Spider-Man.  
The Daily Bugle director gets them in a room which wasn’t too destroyed. 

\- BETTY! NO ONE, I SAID NO ONE COMES TO SEE US! And you, go sit on that desk.

\- Wh..

\- NOW!

Jameson was still fulminant and he knew he was going to hit peoples some more if he didn’t calm down. 

\- Please, sir, you’re red as a pepper. Do you want me to make you comfort food? Ask Peter. 

\- You don’t move! 

Peter stays on the desk and really ask himself what’s happening when his boss close the door. Jonah comes to the young boy and goes on his knees.

\- Hum… Sir?

Jameson unbuckles the photographer’s pants and takes his cock in mouth, trying really hard to not sink his teeth in it because of his fury.  
Peter muffles his surprised moan with his hands and Jonah begins to bob his head. He puts his hand on the older man’s head and tries to gather his thought… But his brain is a bit taking vacation and his body just want. He tries hard to not buck his hips at those tongue swirls.  
Jameson begins to relax, it’s been a long time since he hadn’t done it, but Parker doesn’t complain. Damn oral fixation, it always brings him to embarrassing situation! He deep-throat Peter and the young man clutches his fingers on his head. Jameson knows the boy will come soon, he doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend. He takes the base of the cock and strokes fast licking the slit. Parker let a ragged moan and is fast enough to turn himself and spills on the desk instead of his boss’s face.

\- Speak of that and I’ll turn your life into hell Parker. Said Jameson taking out a lollipop.

Peter gets his breath back. What the hell did just happen? Oh boy, that was fucked up.  
Parker quickly goes out the office and head back to his home.

\-----------------

Venom is attacking in Central Park and Spider-Man goes there as fast as he can.  
The black symbiote has already wrecks cars and is making a giant web all over the park, capturing civilians in it. He sees Spider-Man and grins with all his teeth before jumping on the Spider.  
Peter dodges him and has brought a sonic device, so Venom back off pretty quickly. 

\- That’s it, stay there Venomichou, some nice people are going to get you. Said Peter.

Unfortunately, Venom escape by the sewer before Spider-Man has time to set traps, and take photos. 

Peter goes in a back street and removes his costume. He tries to contact Gwen. She doesn’t answers. He sighs and goes for a walk. Then he thinks maybe there is another supervillain or some burglar somewhere. He goes back in the backstreet and puts back his costume before swinging through the city. 

Nope, nothing, still nothing, the city is calm, fortunately, just an hour lost for Spider-Man.  
Parker goes back to his home and makes himself a soup. Listening to the news and of course, at the moment he sits down, there is an emergency where the Green Goblin is attacking.  
Peter makes an exasperation sigh, before getting up and putting his costume and going away. 

Spider-Man swings and jump in the air, landing directly in the Goblin’s glider.

\- Hello honey, I’m back. Said Peter.

\- Spider-Man!

The Green Goblin try to punch the hero, but Parker dodges and puts webs on the glider and control it the makes it go higher. Going higher, Spider-Man kicks the Green Goblin and the villain is free falling. The hero jumps off the glider to catch the villain, but the Green Goblin throws him a bomb.  
The explosion blows Peter meters in the air with a severe pain in the chest. He takes his breath back, he focus and manages to web on a building before he French kiss the ground.  
He searches the Goblin and found him in a building after having crashed in a window. Spider-Man goes there and they fight in the building. They destroy several offices and the Green Goblin’s bombs almost hurt peoples and destroy more offices and papers.  
Finally Spider-Man webs the Goblin on the wall and punches his stomach to weaken him. 

\- It’s not over Spider-Man. I’ve send mutant crocodiles in Time Square… Hihihi, will you be there in time?...

\- Crocodile, did you have a villain night out with the Lizard or what? But there, I really don’t want you to escape. Said the hero while putting more webs on the Goblin. 

Spider-Man quickly swings away and goes in Time Square, the villain didn’t lie. But holy macaroni, the crocodile are HUGE! Like, trucks size.  
Peter makes traps to get the crocodiles together, it works and they attack themselves. He takes civilians away and, and… Oh god, he’s alone how can he fight like 12 giant crocodiles… Peter decides to stick them on the ground until the army comes.  
The hero makes a gigantic amount on web he spreads on the floor and spreads it. The beasts stuck themselves in, but some runs away. They run away and crash in the Daily Bugle of course! 

The building is destroyed, again! Jameson should consider an anti-reptilian shield or something. Hey, isn’t that Jonah swearing at him? Telling Spider-Man it’s his fault, bringing all the insult possible and… Is that French? Seem he lacked of English insults. 

The crocodiles struggle in their traps and the people around gets kicks and projects. Spider-Man takes the civilians.

\- Spider-Man!

\- Betty, you okay? Ask Peter.

\- Yes. Please, Mister Jameson is stuck up there. I know you two are kind into a war, but…

\- Yeah, I’m getting him.

\- Thank you.

Betty kissed him on the cheek as he puts her on the ground. He swings up and goes take the director.

\- YOU… YOU… I DON’T EVEN HAVE WORDS! Yells Jonah.

\- Come here grumpy.

Parker catches him and quickly brings him on the ground. Jonah goes off him like he was a disgusting slug.

Jameson walks away furiously and Peter noticed his wallet have fall. He’s going to wait a bit before giving it back. 

\--------------------

Peter waits until it’s the night and goes in Jonah’s office, in the Bugle, because the dude might be a workaholic or chewing gums furiously (or else…! It still mind fuck Peter about that) and he want to be alone. 

\- Hey grumpy, there’s your wallet. Said Parker.

\- YOU THIEF! 

\- Whoa! Look inside, your cards and money are all there. 

\- But it doesn’t make me less angry by the fact that you destroyed MY building, TWICE!

\- First, wasn’t my fault, second, I do not control those giant reptiles.

\- You have something to do with it! You sneaky bastard, you impetuous menace! 

\- No! Come on! 

\- Yes!

\- Oh you have worst than a thick skull! 

\- No!

\- Oh! Why don’t you… Go suck on a lollipop, yeah! 

Jameson faintly blushed. Spider-Man blushes too to his boss reaction. This is awkward. 

\- GET OUT! Yells the older man lighting a cigar. 

\- There, a lollipop and explain to me why you hate me. You never told me. 

\- That’s not of your business! He said snatching the lollipop. 

\- Hey no one told you to not take candy from strang…

\- Shut up!

\- No really, Jameson…

\- Get out.

\- But Jaaaameeesooooooon….

\- No get out, Satan.

\- Oh first time I heard that one. Hey take a gum, it calm you somehow.

Jonah blushes even more. Peter may have gone too far. He didn’t want to know that. The Daily Bugle director chews furiously and takes a deep inhale of cigar, looking at the Spider with a thunderous scowl. 

\- You won’t go away, huh? Ask the older man.

\- … Well I think I’ll go then. 

\- Ha didn’t believe you’ll do it.

\- Unless you want me to stay of course.

Oh my god Pete, what are you doing?  
Jameson hiss, but doesn’t chase him. 

\- Do you want something Mister Jameson? Another gum? 

\- No…

Parker knew he lied, but he’s not sure he wants to know the truth if it’s what he thinks it is. Peter goes to the window, but he hears his boss mumbles. He stops and look at him, Jameson has turn his head so Parker doesn’t sees his face. 

\- What are you still doing here?? I do stupid thing when I’m too frustrate, and right now I am on a level I’ve never been. Go away! Said Jameson. 

\- What are you going to do anyway? You’re going to be frustrated for the rest of the week. But none of my business. 

Spider-Man goes out the window and webs a building. 

\----------------------

\- PARKER, THOSE DAMN PHOTOS ARE HORRIBLE.

Jameson takes his cup of coffee and pours it on the young boy. Peter whimpers and insults Jonah before storming out the office.

\- Oh Pete, are you okay? Ask Betty. 

\- That freaking jerk! Shout Parker.

\- I know he’s like that since the crocodile event. We have to hold on and hope nothing more will happ…

Life has a good laugh, because Carnage passes by and the army is after it. They shoot and the Daily Bugle in construction is destroyed again. This time Jameson shouts in German. 

Peter tries to help to get the debris and help people with their wounds. He goes back to his home before the director comes.

2 day after, Peter just had a fight against the Vulture with the Human Torch with some photos. He goes back to the Daily Bugle. The place is gloomy. The constructions are almost finished (Amazing!) and the sells are incredible with all what is happening, because they have arrested Kraven and the information are Daily Bugle exclusive. However, good lord the place feels like a cemetery.

\- Betty, what happened?! Ask Peter.

\- Mister Jameson is mad. He hits everyone that makes any false movement or fires them. She answers covering her black eye. 

Peter clench his teeth, he has to do something. He goes outside in the nearest back street and puts his costume.  
He goes to the director window and sees him striking an employee, yelling on him.

\- You stop that right there, Jameson! Said Spider-Man.

\- SPIDER-MAN!!??! Yells Jonah.

\- Yes! 

\- You are only here to pisses me off more?!

\- And to stop you from being an abusive boss, because it’s bad, and bad person goes to prison, so be nice, nice person don’t go to prison.

\- … Shut UP! Would you!

The employee goes away and let the two of them together. Jonah is about to punch Peter, but he dodge easily and let Jameson continue until he is exhausted.

\- What do you need to calm down? You can’t be like that for the rest of your life. Said Spider-Man.

\- Nothing from you!

\- You sure? Not even gums or cigar?

\- Shut up!

\- But if you continue, I’m going to go to drastic methods.

\- Like what?

\- Putting my Viking in your Valhalla or something.

\- What?

\- Ok that one was bad I admit, but take a day off.

\- No!

\- Call yourself a prostitute or the biggest lollipop in the city you have an oral fixation dude, from all what you suck and chew to calm down!

Oh boy, the awkwardness that came from that line is worst than “Master of Disguises”. Peter was sweating under his costume and Jameson was red as his costume. The situation was out of hand. Fighting an army of mutant crocodiles seems lovely now. 

\- You’re not telling me what to do! Said Jameson utterly insulted. 

\- Well stop hitting everyone. They call the police, you’re behind the bars.

\- FUCK YOU!

\- Can’t believe I have to deal with you. Next time you’re going to do robots to kill me and your employees if they don’t do something correctly. I know you can and I’ll stop you! 

Spider-Man pins his boss on his desk and Jameson whimpers and begins to be crimson red. 

\- I’m telling you, stop. 

\- That’s how you deal with villain?

Oh damn, Jameson want it. It could be funny if he discovers that the menace Spider-Man is on his payroll. 

\- Very well, Jameson.

He slaps his boss across the face and puts his fingers in his mouth. Jameson sucks them and Peter feels blood rushes too his body. This will, by far, be the weirdest sexual experience, ever. But then Venom pops in his mind…. and no. Just no.  
Parker doesn’t loose anytime and twist the director wrist, ripping off another whimpers, and pins in it on the desk before removing his pants.  
Peter notices Jameson want, but don’t want. He puts his fingers in his mouth again and resistance disappears.  
Spider-man down his pants a bit and Jonah blushes more. 

\- You really are pissed off if I, the satanic Spider-Man, have to do it for you. Whisper Peter. 

Parker spits in his hands and applies it on his dick, before slamming in. Jameson arch his back and bites Peter’s fingers. The young boy resists letting his moans come out and watch the director panting. Spider-Man breathes heavily and accelerates the pace and Jonah clutches his fingers on the desk, whispering insults to the Spider.  
Peter clutches his fingers on the director shoulder and digs his fingers in it before thrusting harder. He feels that he’s going to come. He doesn’t know for Jameson, who kind of has a face between pleasure and disgust, or maybe both.  
The hero takes a punishing pace and the older man puts his hand on his mouth to muffle the noises. The director instinctively wraps his legs around the hero’s waist and sees his reflection in the eyes mask, he turns his head away.  
Jameson pushes Spider-Man away and get on his knees, he swallow all Peter’s length. Peter makes a surprise moan and spills inside his mouth.  
He pits his pants back and notices that Jonah also have climaxed. 

Jameson gets up and puts his pants and lit a cigar. Spider-Man heard the police passing and webs on a building following the police cars. 

Peter comes several hours later to give photos of his fight with Sandman and the Daily Bugle is way more animated.

\- Betty!

\- Oh Peter! I was about to leave. You can go see Jameson, he’s way better now.

Peter went to see his boss. He was smoking his cigars and looks at Peter’s photos.

\- They’re good boy. 

He dismisses Parker. The young boy goes away with his pay and notice a bonus. 

\-------------------------

Years later.

The Daily Bugle is actively supporting the Superhero Registration Act. Jameson pressures his employees to support it.  
However they all stop their work to the news announcement. Spider-Man is with the Act and he come to announce who he is with Stark backing him up. They’re all febrile and finally Jameson is going to know who is Spider-Man. 

Peter Parker. 

He faints.


End file.
